Parker wearing Harlowe's new summer hat; which, now she doesn't like to wear hats anymore, she just pulls them off her head.
Fred (my brother) placing candles on Parker's birthday cake. My mom made him a blueberry cake because he just loves blueberries. He pretty much loves fruit, he is already a health nut, ha.
My brother and his family came to San Antonio for a visit this summer and it was a nice treat. Usually I only get to see them once a year during Christmas time, so it was nice to catch up.
Christina and Parker cutting the cake.
I guess I haven't blogged in awhile and I really regret it because I really wanted to keep updated pics of Harlowe. So she could look back on this blog and see how much we love her and how she has evolved.
I have been going through my own trials lately and I haven't handled it so smoothly but now I have been trying to be on the up and up.
Last month my dentist, really the dental hygienist found a spot on the underside of my tongue which is squamous cell carcinoma. The dentist took a biopsy from that area and another area on the side of my tongue which was the same thing. I remembered a couple of years ago biting my tongue in Puerto Rico and hurting so bad but not thinking anything of it because the area healed and no more pain.
So for the past month, I have been living in limbo because I knew the results were positive but now we were seeing multiple doctors to find out what the plan would be. I am saying we because my poor husband had to endure my craziness. We went to an oral surgeon first because my dentist thought it would take forever to see an oncologist, which he was right.
At this point I did my due diligence and researched all my options which made the whole situation worse, but I was well informed. Once we arrived at the oral surgeon's office with Harlowe in tow, which was stressful in itself because she was not the most patient and neither was my husband. The ADHD makes him very impatient, ha. So I was one big ball of stress and to top it off while I was pacing around the room with Harlowe we heard a lady in the next room crying and screaming in pain. I looked at Dustin and wanted to run for my life. I was thinking this guy is not touching me with a ten foot pole, ha!
He was really nice and after looking at my tongue, running around like a crazy person trying to call his friend who happened to be a surgeon who specialized in oncology, whew! He kinda heightened my stress level but was very thoughtful and polite about the whole thing. All I could remember him saying is, " your so young (thanks doc, ha!) and you don't smoke or drink so I really want to help you." I think he really felt sorry for me, but he made some calls and got me into see Dr. Weinstock the very next week.
I was a big mess and I pretty much walled myself off, not wanting to tell anyone and not wanting to face Dustin's family at Sunday dinner. I just could not face anyone without totally breaking down. I think I pretty much cried every other day, my poor, poor husband. Dustin was and still is so good to me, he was and always will be my rock. He made all the phone calls and researched his little butt off for me. I really could not have got through this without him.
Finally, we got to see Dr. Weinstock and he is so nice and my age, which is good because he should have a steady hand, ha. He was so nice to get me in so quickly and cleared his clinic day just for me. I was a crazy person asking all sorts of questions, I think I even surprised Dustin. The appointment didn't go so well because he scoped me and found a lump in the back of my throat so he took a biopsy of that area too. Which meant another week I would have to wait for the biopsy results, and let me tell you I was an utter mess.
My mind went crazy with all types of options: am I going to have to have radiation, is he going to have to cut my neck and take lymph nodes, and how am I going to take off work, I am out of vacation time. These things kept on swirling around in my head. My faith is pretty strong but I totally fell short because I let the fear take over. Needless to say, it wasn't my finest hour and Dustin even said, "this is not like you, you are usually strong". I feel envious of the people who can give it all to God and let go. I was praying everyday for God to just let me let it go, because I knew it is all in his hands. But all I could think about was am I making the right medical decisions for myself and my family? I told Dustin many times, if it was just me I wouldn't care as much but I have Harlowe now so I really felt overwhelmed.
All in all, thank the Lord, my throat biopsy came back negative and hopefully Dr. Weinstock will only have to take the part of my tongue which is affected. He will only know once I am in surgery if he has to take out my lymph nodes which means Frankenstein drains out of my neck. He said he would have to make an incision from my ear to my clavicle, ouch. You would think with all this medical technology they could do it laproscopically and only make a small incision. How can they take a big, old baby out of your belly and leave a small cut but have to chop up your neck, ha. I am praying it is only my tongue and the pain will be at a minimum. Although he said it is a painful procedure, so the upside is maybe I will lose a few pounds, ha.
I am on the Cancer floor tonight and God has really put it into perspective for me. Why am I such a Debbie Downer when this whole floor is full of children who don't deserve to fight something like this.
I am thankful of so many things in life and here are a few: my loving, kind and most of all funny husband who puts a smile on my face each and everyday. A man who truly loves me and a man who is a great father to our daughter.
My beautiful daughter who makes any day so much better. I remember feeling sorry for myself and sitting on the couch asking her to give me a minute while I cry. She just crawled over to me and climbed up my legs and gave me the biggest smile that just melt my heart, so I wiped my eyes and smiled back at her and got over it real quick.
My family especially my mother who has called me everyday since I found out.
Dustin's family who have been so supportive and who is always kind to me.
My friend's who have been praying for me and lift me up when I am feeling sorry for myself.
Funny to say but my companion, good old Harley, he loves me no matter what.
My job which I am lucky to have, because so many do not.
I really appreciate the little things now, fresh clean sheets, the warm sun on my face, the smell of rain, the sound of the ocean.
I am most thankful that God has blessed me with the life I am living, I could not have asked for anything more.
Thanks to everyone who has prayed for me and kept me in their thoughts. I am having surgery on Thursday so I will keep everyone updated since I won't be able to talk. Dustin is probably thanking his lucky stars, ha.
